How to Keep your Sex Life Steaming
Emna Do
Forget the Cosmo lists or the grapefruit technique. Below are some truly sexy things you and your lover can do with food (just short of getting a table at Noma).
Good, Clean Fun
So you and your partner spent the night watching House Hunters in bed while demolishing a tray of cookies. Now there are crumbs on your sheets, sliding into the folds and crevices of your body in a way that only crumbs and sand can. No use trying to brush the crumbs off your bed (you will undoubtedly wake up with a shard embedded in your shoulder). You might as well roll with it –or rather, roll in it. Take all your clothes off, dust yourself with the scent of crushed shortbread cookies and tell your partner to lick you clean. Practical. Sensational. Hygienic.
Chef in Training
How sophisticated is your palette? Do you know your labia from your lychee? Groin from gorgonzola? If your answer is “uh, yes, what kind of quiz is this?”, stop. Do not pass go until you suspend your disbelief. The premise of this game is to identify and describe the flavour profile of three mystery ingredients which have been smeared onto various areas of your partner’s body. Feel free to up the ante with a blindfold, and maybe some actual sex afterwards.
Pop Your Rocks Off
It’s a regular Tuesday afternoon and you’re innocently reviewing the latest flavour of Nerds at your suburban, American-style candy store. But you and I both know you’re not here to simply "get some snack" before you see The Fate Of The Furious. No, you’re here to buy a packet of Pop Rocks, which your pal (me) has recommended you pour all over your partner and lap up like the thirsty dog you are.
Finger Work
You know that sexy thing only women in the movies do? When they’re on a date and then dip their finger into a conveniently placed dish of cream only to lick it off seductively, as if that stuff is even mildly satisfying? Like, if you’re going to sexily suck anything off your fingers while your hot date watches, it might as well taste good. Try chilli crab, glazed ribs, or even Cheezels if you’re broke right now.
Keep it Holy
Leaving behind for a second that ring toss is the kind of game you play at a work function where you and your drunken colleagues sing the Taylor Swift 1989 album in unison—there’s something inexplicably sexy about throwing a donut at a penis and having to clean up the mess. You get to eat donut, your partner gets a licking, just customise the donut hole to size if you want a chance at actually landing a throw.